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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?